If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
