where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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