Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
FUCK WHALES
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
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