'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
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