It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Randomize
