Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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