She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Randomize
