I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
