BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
