Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
No stitches, just platelets and will power
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
