Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
Randomize
