You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize