I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
