mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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