hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm going to ride your dick until it falls off. That horny.
I'm equal parts terrified and turned on. Come over.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
jump out the window naked night went bad
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
