): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
