If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
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