I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
