Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
either way he was missing a nipple.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
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