I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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