You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
Randomize