tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
