I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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