It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Is that strawberry winking at me??
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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