She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Randomize
