Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
