i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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