the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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