also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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