i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Randomize
