In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
