No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
