The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
How external is "for external use only"?
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You made out with two different species that night
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize