well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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