Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
he fucked my hip out of place.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
