He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
If I had your ass I would rule the world
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
