Jerry, you need to find god
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
