Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
