Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
