she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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