Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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