what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
