there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
