If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize