our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
NoShamevember. You game?
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
