I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Randomize
