She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Randomize
