remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
