Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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