im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Randomize
