Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
