You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
