Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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