He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
