Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
