did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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