yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
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