It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
Randomize
