He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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