Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
