You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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