I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
