i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
