I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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