I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
No, I stopped taking my meds because I like crazy me better
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
