i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
So vagazzling was a success
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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