similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
