Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I just want brownies and waffles and someone to lick my tits
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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