New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
