I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
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