You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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