Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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