I am puke
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
