if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
