i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Randomize