Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
