Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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