Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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