she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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