just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
