I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize