We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
