It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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