Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
We need to get me chipped asap
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Randomize
