He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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