you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Randomize
