Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
