I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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