Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
These tits shall not be calmed
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
